


Where Is Dinner, Nagito?

by ThatSvenne



Category: Danganronpa
Genre: crackfic, danganronpa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 03:38:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20735621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatSvenne/pseuds/ThatSvenne
Summary: What do you do when you’re watching Jojo and you get hungry? Pizza Hut! But that was obviously a bad idea.





	Where Is Dinner, Nagito?

Nagito Komaeda was sitting inside his living room in his apartment and he was watching Jojo on the television. He wasn’t sure what his girlfriend Junko was up to but whatever, Nagito loved Jojo and he hoped he would be apart of the Jojo voice acting team one day. He really wanted to play one of the Joestars. Even during sexy time he would have Junko call him Nagito Joestar. As he enjoyed this he could feel himself growing hungry. Nagito got the splendid idea to go and buy himself a pizza. He got up to leave the tv with Jojo on it but his girlfriend got in the way. Junko wasn’t the same as before. She had become quite different. She was large and fat now which happen because of despair. She looked down at him with her arms crossed.

“Oh hey Junko.. I was going out to buy a pizza and binge some more Jojo so can you please move aside?”

“Hmm, where is dinner Nagito? Were you planning to buy dinner for me too?” Junko asked Nagito with a frowning face.

“Well… Yeah! I totally was so can you move aside so I can buy pizza?”

“Fine but you better get my order right.” Junko replied as she would move aside, letting Nagito leave the apartment.

Nagito put on his head phones and put on a song on his phone as he left the building. (As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain,I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain, But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity…)

He would pass the bright street lights as it was becoming quite dark right now. As he was walking there he would soon witness a accident. Mondo was riding his bike and he waved at Nagito before crashing into a couple of trash cans. As he walked down the streets he would end up in a alleyway. At the other end he saw Hajime Hinata and Makoto Naegi both being drunk. He even saw Chiaki there as well but she didn’t seem happy, probably thanks to the two dudes being drunk as fuck.

“Oh, hey Hajime and Makoto. You two having a good night?” Nagito asked his two friends that reeked of alcohol. 

“Oi mate, what’s up?” Hajime replied.  
“Oi, what’s up cunt. How ya been ya bloke?” Makoto said to Nagito as he took another sip from his beer. Chiaki’s annoyance was quite noticeable. 

“I’ve been quite well but I am on my way to the pizza resturant since the miss at home wanted some. What about you two dick heads?” Nagito answered Hajime’s question with a unease smile. 

“I see. When you meet Junko, please do call her a cunt.” Hajime told Nagito as both he and Makoto began to laugh their arses off.  
“Hey! Don’t be such an arse Hajime! I’m sorry Nagito!” Chiaki told Nagito while she would slap Hajime on the back of his head.

“It’s alright but I will see you guys another time. Time to move on.” Nagito told the three before leaving. After walking by some more cars and streets he would pass by a Subway. Outside it he saw one of his old classmates Kaede. She seemed to be a employee there. She seemed to be smoking. He waved to her as he passed by and continued on his quest for pizza for himself and his lover. 

Nagito would soon enough stumble upon the next colorful character in his journey. Another interruption you could call it if you hated these characters or a blessing This time it was Shuichi and he seemed happy.

“Good night Shuichi. Going to McDonald’s I presume?” Nagito asked him, a frown on his face since he had flashbacks what Kukichi did to him.  
“Yup! I am on my way to McDonald’s. I need some burgers. What about you?” Shuichi asked him cheerfully.  
“Nothing much. I am just going to get some pizza for my girlfriend and I.” Nagito replied.  
“Oh I see! Oh if you see Kaede tell her I said love you!” The dark dressed boy said before he disappeared towards McDonald’s but he was stopped by someone.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Miu asked Shuichi as she slapped Flextape on his mouth.  
“What the fuck is happening?” Nagito asked as he proceeded to watch Miu kidnap Shuichi into her car and she drove away. 

Nagito wasn’t sure how to properly react to his friend being kidnapped but he just sighed and continued his way to the Pizza Hut. Eventually he reached it and he went into the restaurant. At the cashier he saw him.

“Welcome to Pizza Hut! Can I take your order, fucker?” The guy at the cashier said as a familiar song played nearby. It sounded rather muffled.  
“C-Cockichi! What the fuck are you doing here?!” Nagito asked him as he trembled with fear.  
“It’s Kokichi and what does it look like? I fucking work here you fucking weeb.” He answered as he had a wicked smile on his face.  
“I see… Well I would like to order two pizzas please. One normal pepperoni and one pizza with just every kind of meat on it.” Nagito told Kokichi his order as fear was heard in his voice.

Kokichi just nodded and wrote down the order. He went to the kitchen to give it to the chefs there. Nagito sat down a chair and he waited for the pizzas to be made. While he waited he continued to listen to his favorite song which was Amish Paradise made by Weird Al. It is a parody of Coolio’s song Gangster Paradise. As he sat there and sighed to himself he would be interrupted by someone. He would look up from his phone to be met by the eyes of Byakuya Togami. He was known to be a super rich pornstar who did Shrek porn. 

“How are you? How dare you take away Junko from me?!” He said angrily as he poked Nagito’s chest roughly.  
“Um, I’m sorry but she just likes me more. Nothing I can do about..” Nagito replied to the pornstar as he looked worried. 

Byakuya left Nagito with rage as he sat down in front the fireplace. His minion and sidekick came over to comfort him. His sidekick was Ultimate Imposter.

“Hey Byakuya you did good there telling him off!” Imposter said cheerfully.  
“It doesn’t matter.. I will never have Junko…” Byakuya replied as he sighed depressed. His sidekick had brought him pizza and soda but Byakuya had just threw it into the fireplace.  
“More pizza?” Imposter asked him.  
“No, nothing helps!” Byakuya said in a depressed anger.  
“You got to pull yourself together, Byakuya!” Imposter tried to cheer him up.

“Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Byakuya, Looking so down in the dumps  
Every guy here'd love to be you, Byakuya, Even when taking your lumps  
There's no man in town as admired as you. You're everyone's favorite guy. Everyone's awed and inspired by you, Aaand it's not very hard to see why  
No one's rich as Byakuya . No one's quick as Byakuya  
No one's legs's as incredibly long as Byakuya's  
For there's no man in town half as manly. Perfect, a pure paragon  
You can ask any Toko, Celeste, or Kyouko, And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on  
Who plays with trials like Byakuya? Who break hearts like Byakuya?  
Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Byakuya?  
“As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating” My, what a guy, that Byakuya!  
No one argues like Byakuya, Shits on the poor like Byakuya  
In a class trial argument nobody ruins it like Byakuya  
No one insults like Byakuya, Matches wits like Byakuya  
In a spoiled kid chart nobody is as spoiled like Byakuya  
“I'm especially good at expectorating”  
“When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs, Every morning to help me get large. And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of my money vault.”  
Who has brains like Byakuya, Act spoiled like Byakuya!  
Who can make up these endless refrains like Byakuya  
Say it again!  
Who's the man among men? Who's the super success?  
Don't you know? can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on  
There's just one guy in town, who's got all of it down  
And his name's B-Y-A-K… I believe there's another K  
It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate  
And I've never actually have to spell it out loud before  
BYAKUYA!!!”

And with that imposter sat down while panting heavily. He need to catch his breath after such a glorious and spectacular performance. This had brought a smile upon Byakuya’s face. He looked over imposter and he patted his back.

“You did a glorious job cheering me up. You might not be a bad Togami after all.” Byakuya told him as he decided to offer to pay for the next pizza. Nagito had heard this entire thing and he wished he hadn’t. While he was still waiting he decided to keep fiddling with his phone. He would noticed someone who was in a bright yellow Pikachu onesie by the counter. It was Chiaki! Seems like she has ditched Hajime and Makoto for her Pikachu onesie and her chocolate shakes. She seemed to be drinking two at once while also playing on her Nintendo Switch. Nagito decided to chat with her some as he was waiting. 

“How come you’re at the pizza hut?” Nagito would ask Chiaki while he peaked over her shoulder to see what she was playing on the Switch.  
“Well I couldn’t be bothered to stay with the drunk dickheads so I decided to go the fast food place where Shuichi doesn’t hang out at…” She answered his question.  
“Um, he got fucking kidnapped by Miu. I have no clue where he is now.” He would reply to her sounding a bit horrified.  
“Seems pretty normal to me.” She answered and she drank her chocolate shakes. 

Nagito sighed as he left Chiaki alone. Soon he heard his order shouted out and he went to the cashier. He got the two boxes of pizza from Kukichi and he soon left the resturant. Nagito just wanted to hurry home so he could watch more Jojo and possibly cuddle with his girlfriend as well. On his way home he would witness Hajime and Makoto laying in the trash and they were certainly caressing the trash in their arms. Those two dickheads were some real fucking weirdos if Nagito has ever seen one. He would keep on walking while thinking of his kidnapped friend Shuichi. Sure Miu had a few loose screws but just kidnapping Shuichi like that? God she must be fucking insane or some shit. Nagito just wanted some peace right now but sadly that wouldn’t last long. On his way home he would bump into Kirumi who was carrying a large trash bag.

“Good evening Mr.Komaeda. Why are you out so late with two pizzas?” Kirumi would ask in her usual polite and calm tone.  
“I am on my way home right now, so if you please step aside I can make it home.” Nagito replied in annoyance. He just wanted to get fucking home at this point. 

Nagito just left without even saying goodbye to Kirumi. He sigh as he would try to make his way home as fast as possible. The pizza boxes were in a bag along with the drinks he had received off screen. As he was starting to near the streets where the apartment was at he would be stopped in his tracks as a big black truck with the Pizza Hut logo on it came out in front of him. The truck beeped like a mother fucker before going full speed ahead towards him. Nagito noticed that the sidewalks had been blocked off by tall fences on each side so he had no other option than to run back. He would run as fast as he could while being chased by the giant Pizza Hut truck that furiously driving after him. Nagito ran for his life as the truck chased him. Blasting from the speakers of the truck was You’ve Reposted In The Wrong Neighborhood as the driver was laughing maniacally. Nagito recognized this from Sonic Adventure 2 and Pepsiman on PS1 so he just kept going.

“Why won’t you stop so I can run you oveeeeeeer!” Screeched a voice from the truck as it was driving full speed after Nagito.  
“This is probably not a good idea..” Another much calmer voice told the screeching driver as he patted his head.  
“Leave me alone!” Nagito screamed back in fear as he did his best not to drop the bag with the pizzas in them. 

Nagito ran for his life as he did not want to become a Nagito pancake underneath the truck’s mighty wheels. They were so big it was ridiculous. As the poor man was running for his life he would find a turn in the corner. This turn would be too small for the enormous truck to actually get through so this was his chance. Nagito turned to the right and he successfully dodged it. The driver tried to turn the truck but what ended up happening was that he flipped the truck onto its side and it slid into a apartment building. A green haired dude would climb out of it and then run away, leaving the person in charge behind. Once the guy in charge came out he was surrounded by police officers. The culprit was Kokichi from Pizza Hut and he would now be brought to justice.

“God damn it Rantaro! He left me alone, but I will forgive him. Someone must take care of Pizza Hut while I am gone.” Kokichi said with a sad sigh as he was brought into a police car and soon he was taken away from crime scene. 

Nagito sighed in relief. Finally it was over and now he could just go home and relax with Jojo and pizza. Maybe Junko will give him some good succ succ for the shit he had to go through. The man walked the rest of the way home to his apartment and he went into the building. Nagito walked up the 5 floors before he went to his apartment door. He went in and he was greeted by a hug from his fat girlfriend.

“Oh Nagito you look horrible. What happen?” Junko asked as she took the pizzas to their living room.  
“Believe it you don’t wanna hear it…” Nagito told Junko in a tired tone before joining her in the living room.

The two would cuddle and eat pizza while watching Jojo together…

The End


End file.
